From Inner Critic to Inner Wisdom
Image: Shutterstock/Jorm S
I spent more than a decade trying to quell my inner critic. I still occasionally run into her in a dark alley. I hear people struggling with their inner critic all the time. It seems like this individual is our worst enemy: never on our side, always putting us down. However, I’ve come to believe the inner critic just needs a little TLC: some gentleness to soothe its activated condition so it can reveal our inner wisdom. By soothing our inner critic we give it power — not to dampen our spirit, but to light the way.
The inner critic is only trying to give us advice. They truly mean well. Why else would they be so concerned about whether we’re making the right decision or what others think of us? They’re not trying to put us down. Rather, they are trying to warn us. The inner critic is doing the right thing, just not in the right way. They’re in survival mode, perpetually activated and on guard for the worst. Their voice is one of defeat, of fear, of disdain, because they’ve been there and they don’t want us going back. Their constant messaging is to protect us, not to destroy us.
Lisa Feldman Barrett, Professor of Psychology at Northeastern University and author of the book, How Emotions are Made: The Secret Life of the Brain, would say this voice is learned. It was taught during our formative years by our family units, caregivers, communities, and overriding cultures and societal structures. If we learned this voice then it should be the case that we can unlearn or relearn, thanks to neuroplasticity or the brain’s ability to continually change.
This voice is so strong, so pervasive, because it comes from deep within. This is not a place so easily manipulated. It is our heart of hearts, our instinct. This voice is coming from the place where we store our inner wisdom. So we must be patient in this process. Our approach should be gentle, like moving a sleeping baby or pet. We should respect our inner critic’s intention and not condemn its need to surface our inner wisdom, albeit sloppily. We don’t want our inner wisdom silenced; rather, we want it accessed without the noise and negativity imposed on us by external factors.
Let’s Try Something
Start paying attention to those moments your inner critic squawks and balks at you. What are they saying? Take a moment to pause and breathe gently, then kindly thank your inner critic for the advice. Next, let them know it’s going to be okay. Tell them, “We’ve got this. I understand your concern but we’re strong and beautiful and capable. We can handle this.” Then ask what they’re worried about and see what you learn. Chances are, within a few minutes the answer will come to you and it will be more rational and useful. That experience is your inner critic ceding to your inner wisdom.
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