Leadership and Loneliness
Image: Shutterstock/Jorm S
Ask any leader in any organization of any size (including families) and they will express a feeling of loneliness at one time or another. These days it is especially compounded by lockdowns and safe distancing, working remotely, and being encumbered by all the other complications of life in a pandemic-inflicted world. Yet leadership in any situation can be a very lonely place. By definition, leaders are so called because they are the ones to “go first”. The act of being a leader is to separate from the group. Consider the impact of individualizing oneself both in the moment and on a day-to-day basis. It’s real and substantial and it can effect both our physical and mental health in ways that don’t make us feel very good and even hinder our success.
Let’s Try Something
As a form of antidote, leaders can build a support system for alleviating this sensation of loneliness. This system is both internal and external, each side generating feelings of belonging and connection without boundaries between work and private life. Additionally, the system acts as a virtuous circle, with internal and external support practices working in concert with each other.
The system begins with asking oneself, “What support do I have in place today for creating human connection?” It’s helpful to inventory all the existing support in one’s life to reveal areas that can be leveraged as well as opportunities for development. Recognizing those existing practices, relationships, and conditions is a great starting point.
Internal support practices include meditation, gratitude journaling, self-compassion, visualization, and other tactics for training the brain to feel a sense of connectedness to others. One book that I found helpful in establishing internal mechanisms is Rick Hanson’s Hardwiring Happiness. Over time and even in the moment these practices create the conditions in our brain to actually feel a sense of belonging and lay a foundation for building and sustaining the external support practices.
External support comes via various relationships and different situations or activities. Where there aren’t any existing practices there is opportunity for intentionally building relationships or pursuing activities such as book clubs, spiritual congregations, group hikes, classes, and volunteerism. By including friends and family members in these relational activities one can add even more opportunities for generating connectedness.
There are so many options for building out the system. What cannot be changed is that it takes work. Overcoming loneliness requires a commitment to regular practice, even when it is inconvenient or downright painful. A change in behavior is hard in large part because it’s uncomfortable. Success in this work is assured by committing to the system in spite of this discomfort. And remember that you can start anywhere on this virtuous circle; you only need to commit to keeping it going.
What are some other ways to generate a sense of connectedness?
In creativity and compassion —